The Way It Does In Bad Films

If anyone out there in Tumblr-verse can tell me how I would “misinterpret” said question as anything but hurtful, please let me know. 

I’d like to know how my housemate had the audacity to ask this after I had told him about an unaccomplished date idea I had with my last boyfriend. How did he really think this could be an innocent question, knowing that everything was so hard for me after the break up? 

For now, I see nothing in this friendship worth salvaging. Yes, I cried because I felt like I was deceived in who I thought was my friend, but not for a friend. There were no characteristics of this man that I could feel upset about losing.

And that’s the reality. 

It would be hilariously horrifying if I started to personify my anxiety. Gave it a name and gender and referred to it as such. Maybe changed the name once in a while. I just learned about Doug Rattman so tonight/this morning, we’ll go with Doug.

Doug won’t let me sleep tonight.
Conversely, Doug’s keeping me from getting out of bed.  
Doug won’t stop shaking my hands. 
I’m going to grind my teeth to dust because of fucking Doug.
Doug has really been getting to me lately- I need to up my meds.  

I wish I made Doug up, but he is very real. 

And sometimes, Doug is strangely motivating. He gets me out of bed because I want to accomplish something. He makes me realize that some situations are uncontrollable  and I have to learn to accept it. 

Thanks Doug? 

Some mornings you wake up sad.

Some nights you don’t go to sleep because you’re sick of waking up that way.

Some days you regret not taking your medication because you thought you were going to be okay for a while. Remember, some days are better than others.

Some time in the future, you’ll laugh about this all. Really, it’ll be funny how being in your 20s depression was so long ago, so juvenile, so absurd.  

Some of us won’t even reach that point.  

I’m legitimately afraid of ghost. I do believe their existence. In fact, whenever I move into a new place, I really hope that it’s not haunted. 

I know that zombies aren’t supposed to be real. 
But today may have changed my mind…

I was thinking a lot about the numerous “zombie” attacks while driving around today. NPR was all about traffic being really terrible and a lot of police men out and about.

I went to the 99 Cents Only Store and saw a hobo asleep in the parking lot. I told an employee when I got in, suggesting that we check if he was all right. Not very long had past, and he was gone. 

Zombie?

After I purchased a broom and a My Little Pony calendar (great find!) I started driving down Sunset Blvd.

Holy crap. There were a lot of cop cars.
Actually almost slammed into one because I was rubber necking like a moron.

Zombies? 

Got back to apartment. Googled up “Breaking News Los Angeles Sliver Lake” couldn’t find a single result. 
Hey, maybe my phone is terrible?

Laptop on…then the unthinkable happens.

GOOGLE DOES NOT WORK. 

This should never happen.
At this point, my palms are sweaty. 

How did the disease spread so quickly? 
Why did this have to start on National Doughnut Day?
Will I be as good as Bill Murray if I try to become one of them?
How long do we have?

Fucking Zombies.  

Center for Disease Control says otherwise.

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” said David Daigle, a representative of the CDC.  

Knowing is half the battle! Just cause you don’t know of one, does not mean it doesn’t exist.